Persevering in Faith When Illness Remains
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Since the onset of his postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), almost two decades ago, Dr. Andy Laurie, a physician and pastor, has prayed and hoped for his suffering to go away. But to this day, his illness remains, with all its accompanying hardships.
“Every morning I wake up with what feels like the stomach flu. I’m sick to my stomach. Every day it is a challenge to be able to be upright without my heart going into bad rhythms or blood pressure plummeting or losing consciousness, whatever it may be.”
Andy
Through his seasons of suffering, God has led Dr. Andy on a journey full of hope and deepening faith, amid and even catalyzed by his struggles. Our podcast host Crystal Keating asked Dr. Andy about his faith journey, and how living with a chronic disease has played a part in developing clarity, deep trust in God, joy, and even contentment.
Has suffering ever brought about clarity in your life?
Dr. Laurie points to his suffering as a clarifying force that helped him see what was most important. In his words:
“The disease really caused me to focus on some things that are more foundationally important…suffering can cause us to focus on the things that really matter.”
Along with clarified priorities, Dr. Andy’s struggles with POTS forced him to redefine his identity, his ideas about victory, and his source and measures of contentment. He shares:
“…As sick as I have been…I am content with my life. I really am. I am at peace.”
Andy
He hopes for anyone reading or listening to his message who struggles with peace or contentment to discover that God can and will deliver what you need. And he knows very well that it’s a process…
How can I let go of the life, the hopes, or the self I have lost?
Dr. Laurie has not always experienced contentment with his circumstances, and the state of his body, or the limits his illness places on his life. Following his diagnosis with POTS, he recalls his despair and grief.
Based on his experience, Dr. Andy highlights the need to release the “old life” and embrace our new reality (with whatever limitations or struggles it comes with).
“For those that suffer with chronic illness, chronic pain, and maybe chronic grieving of the loss of a loved one or a failed relationship, whatever it may be…it is vitally important that we’re willing to let go of that old life and embrace the new one. Because if we don’t, that specter that goes to the old life will continue to haunt us,”
Andy
Dr. Andy can attest to the fact that God can, and will, bring peace and contentment, even in the ugliest things the enemy throws at us. But God’s got to take us through that process in our lives. And this process of release and redefinition often includes grief.
He adds a warning that without hope in God, self-pity, depression, and despair can take hold. Dr. Andy shares his own struggle with despair—the temptation to linger and wallow in the dark after his diagnosis:
“It became clear I was going to be limited, and severely limited, from the life I used to have. And when it became clear this wasn’t going away, I went into a very dark place. I remember I used to just go into my room, close the door, shut the shade.
I’d lay in the darkness and just stare at the ceiling—total blackness—for hours and hours and hours on end. I was just miserable. Like I was in this dark tunnel, but there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
There’s nothing but darkness. And I was there not so much because I was feeling miserable health-wise…I was there because I was grieving over my life that was lost.”
Andy
Are you ever tempted to linger in the darkness?
If you, like Dr. Andy, have wallowed in the darkness, you have good company, right in the Bible. In Psalm 88, the Psalmist cries out in darkness and despair. But like the Psalmist and Dr. Andy, you are not left alone in the dark. The Lord hears your cries. He sees and feels your pain.
“Your wrath has swept over me; your terrors have destroyed me.
All day long they surround me like a flood; they have completely engulfed me.
“You have taken from me friend and neighbor—darkness is my closest friend.”
Psalm 88:16-18
In the middle of an anguished prayer in the dark one day, Dr. Andy recalls a key turning point in his faith journey, and his life. He began his prayer with the usual pleas—for the pain to go away, for his illness to abate.
Dr. Andy’s prayers turned to one of his children. And in a moment, his whole perspective changed:
“I realized that if I feel this way about my kid and his suffering and what he was going through, and it breaks my heart, how much more does God feel?
I think about Jesus: Remember when Lazarus had died and there was all this sadness and grieving and hurt everywhere, and Jesus is watching this play out? And it just said, “he wept.” He wept for the brokenness that was out there.
And from that moment on my prayers have changed… no longer this desperate pleading: ‘God, please take this completely and totally.’ Don’t get me wrong, I still pray for healing. I will never stop that, but it now becomes, ‘God, we’re in this thing together. You’re my dad. You love me. And you’re the best Dad ever!’”
Andy
Are you content with your life?
Contentment doesn’t come naturally, particularly when we suffer. Dr. Andy’s secret to contentment comes from deep trust in the Lord and an eternal perspective…and daily reminders about what will last, and what won’t.
Every day at noon, Dr. Andy shared, a scripture pops up on his phone as a reminder:
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
2 Corinthians 4:16
He takes this truth, not just to heart, but to the mirror. When he feels his worst, he stands before the mirror and looks at himself:
“I see this very sick looking guy, this very uncomfortable looking guy. And I will actually look at that guy in the mirror and say, ‘You’re not me.’ Because what’s me is not what I see.
God told us that these bodies are destined to fail…they’re decaying. God says what is us is on the inside. And it’s beautiful. It’s made in his image and it’s not decaying. It’s revving up and it’s getting stronger and stronger every day until that amazing day that we’re going to be with him forever. And that is Andy. Andy is not the body that is decaying.”
Armed with the promise that our suffering won’t last forever, Dr. Andy takes heart. He says, “I really can step back and see the big picture and say, yeah, I feel lousy today. But. This day will pass and there’s going to come a day. It’s going to be perfect forever. And I keep my focus there, especially on those really bad days. And it is tremendously powerful to help us brighten those dark skies.”
Andy
Will there be tacos in heaven?
You may not wonder about the menu in heaven, but Dr. Andy has given the subject thought. He’s even written about feasting in heaven. He describes why:
“Prior to getting sick, I loved to eat. I was a very adventuresome eater. And Tucson is famous for these taco dives. They are so, so good. I loved eating at them—the divier the better!
And I just can’t do that anymore. It’s one of those joys that’s no longer there. I get violently ill if I attempt to do that. And so this idea of feasting in heaven, it’s just a joke I have…that when I get to heaven, the first thing I’m going to do is sit down with Jesus have a carne asada burrito with guacamole and pico de gallo.”
Andy
As he eats, perhaps Dr. Andy will see Joni Eareckson Tada dancing, or riding a horse…
Embracing joy in the midst of pain…
“The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes. The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.”
Psalm 118: 22-24
In episode 3 of the podcast , Dr. Andy described life as a canvas “polka-dotted” with red (suffering) and green (blessings and joy). Describing his life today, he says, “The red dots are there and they’re very real, but gosh, some wonderful, wonderful green dots.”
He, like you, has the choice to dwell on the “green dots” and lean into the joy God makes possible, both in eternity and here and now. Dr. Andy points to Psalm 118 and the call to “rejoice and be glad,” even when illness remains.
Read – When Skies Aren’t Blue
Relying on decades of medical practice and ministry, Dr. Andy Laurie has written prescriptions for you to find hope, joy, and even victory when the struggles of life have darkened your blue skies.
