Life After Coma-Induced Memory Loss
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A Blank Canvas
Marcy Gregg entitled her memoir “Blank Canvas,” referring to the gaping blank that replaced more than a decade of her memories. At age 30, while she gave birth to her third child in the hospital, an infection in Marcy’s sinuses impacted her brain and caused her to lapse into a coma. Marcy awoke believing she was 17 years old.
“I believed I was 17. And then my husband came into the ICU room and he bent down to kiss me and I literally pushed back because he was this old man to me… He was not the man I knew as a 17-year-old.”
Marcy
As a believer Marcy looks back on her experience of waking up to the disturbing occurrence of traumatic memory loss and sees God’s hand at work. For instance, from the time she awoke from her coma, while she had no recollection of her husband as her mate—or as an adult—she had known him when they were teenagers; something about him looked familiar to her.
Likewise, while she didn’t remember her three children, including the one she had just given birth to, somehow God helped her to know they belonged to her.
While Marcy was a believer and leaned on her faith as she returned home from the hospital feeling afraid and disoriented, she began to feel angry with God as he seemingly denied her petitions for healing. She pled with God to restore her memories and sense of self. But day by day the 13-year blank remained. She struggled to reacquaint herself with her life, her home, and even her family members. Every day felt like an exhausting struggle.
Have you ever felt angry with God?
In her anger with God, Marcy took advice from acquaintances who saw her exhaustion. One friend told her to drink wine to “make the evening easier.” Despite the Holy Spirit cautioning her, Marcy began to drink. Little by little she fell into a secret alcohol addiction that she hid, even from her husband.
Looking back Marcy recalls the moment when God’s Spirit checked her addiction.
As she explains: “The night I found freedom—I will never forget it because to me it was as big of a miracle as the night I woke up from the coma. We were sitting watching TV as a family and I went to take our dog out to the bathroom. And I had had nothing to drink yet that night. And I was coming back up the driveway and our big greyhound, he saw a bunny in the hedges at the end of our driveway, and he lunged. And when he lunged, he pulled me down.
I literally went to my knees and as I was getting up, I had a perfect view into the room where I had been sitting and there was my husband holding my daughter. And the boys were all over the furniture still watching TV. And at that moment, I heard God’s voice in my heart as I had longed to hear him in those years of silence while I had been drinking. And this is what he said to me, and I will never forget it. He said, ‘This is what I saved you for—the future, not the past.’”
Have you or a loved one struggled with addiction?
Turning from addiction to a new depth of faith, Marcy discovered healing and wholeness, even though her missing memories never returned. She began creating Scripture-inspired art, writing, and embracing the purposes of God in her journey.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.”
Romans 8:28–30
Describing how her life has impacted the art she creates, Marcy said:
“You know, it’s given me a new perspective. If you came to my studio today, you would find paintings that aren’t finished. There are several different paintings in several different stages, and all of my paintings start with Scripture.
I take a Scripture and I paint it on a blank canvas, and that’s where I begin the work, and then I begin to paint and I paint layer upon layer upon layer of painting. But if you saw a painting that wasn’t finished, you would probably say to me… that doesn’t look quite right. It’s not very good, and I would have to agree with you because it’s not finished.
My paintings have so many layers before I declare that they are complete, and it takes every layer to make them what I want them to be. And one day when I was in the studio painting, I realized that God, he’s the master artist. And our lives are his canvas. And every layer matters. Nothing is wasted.”
If you are struggling with what feels like an impossible life situation right now, Marcy has a message for you:
“If you’re in an impossible situation, I say to you today, I believe our God is at work. He isn’t finished even when we don’t see it. I am convinced and I am confident that he will finish what he started in our lives; Philippians 1:6 tells us he will.
I mean, it says he’s gonna finish what he started. And I believe that. I believe it because our God is the same God who sent his son to the cross out of love for you and for me. And that love finishes the work he began. God is gonna finish the work in us.”
“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:6
More from Marcy
View Marcy Gregg’s art and read more of her story on her website.
