Caregivers Fear the Future: 3 Ways to Walk Alongside Them
Caregivers fear the future.
I was 6 or 7 when I encountered this fear in the house where I grew up. If either my older sister or younger brother was sick, Mom would fold a white hankie into the shape of an old-fashioned nurse’s hat and pin it on my head. She would tie a white apron around my waist, hand me a tray with tea and juice, and instruct me to deliver to the sick room.
When I returned the tray to the kitchen, she would say, “Isn’t it fun to be a nurse, Jolene? Wouldn’t you like to be your dad’s nurse when you get older?”
It wasn’t. And I didn’t.
But something in her voice–the same tone she used when she was afraid there wouldn’t be enough money to pay the bills–kept me silent. I was only a little girl, but Mom’s anxiety about who would care for Dad as his multiple sclerosis progressed was palpable.
Mom’s fear of the future didn’t convince any of her children to enter a medical profession, though she made a number of wise financial decisions to ensure Dad had the care he needed until he died in 1997. More than 50 years after Mom sent me down the hall to play nurse, I realized that caregivers fear the future as much as she did.
Maybe more.
The realization came during interviews with caregiving parents about the stress they experience.
Several parents said that one of their greatest stressors is anxiety about who will care for their children who outlive them and where the money they need to live on will come from.
Too often, the church comes down hard on caregiving parents who admit to these fears. Christians who aren’t caregivers may tell anxious parents they lack faith, that being afraid is a sin. But their fear of the future isn’t the result of a lack of faith.
It is a reality they must grapple with in order to provide for their children who may outlive them.
Parents need the church to walk alongside them so they can ensure their children will receive good care and have rich lives until God calls them home. Here are 3 practical ways the body of Christ can gather around families to support them.
1. Provide financial planning resources.
Parents of children with special needs and disabilities are often overwhelmed by caregiving duties. They don’t have time to look into financial planning. When churches do the legwork and ask someone from a local social security office or invite a special needs trust attorney to speak to parents, they provide crucial support.
These professionals may be able to point families to other city or county agencies that provide other services and financial assistance. When churches invite all parents in their community to such events, the love of Christ shines beyond the church building.
2. Become friends with parents and children.
Get to know caregiving families inside and outside of your church body. Say hello when you meet a family out on a walk. Hold the door open. Offer to carry groceries. Invite children with special needs to birthday parties and ask how to make it accessible and fun for them. (Did you know many kids with disabilities have never been invited to a birthday party?)
Introduce yourself to parents. Then introduce yourself to the child and speak directly to him, even if he can’t communicate. These gestures may lead to friendships with parents and with children, enriching your life and theirs.
Parents whose children have a wide circle of friends have less fear of the future. Why? Because the parents know that if their kids outlive them, they have friends who will watch out for them and enjoy life with them.
3. Start a caregiver support group.
A caregiver support group with a positive focus is a place where parents can share their worries without fear of judgment. They will discover that their worries are a normal part of caregiving. Parents of older children can share resources they’ve discovered and encourage parents of kids with recent diagnoses. Group members can pray for one another and provide extra support during challenging times.
Understanding why caregivers fear the future is difficult for believers who don’t have kids who will live with them as adults. But all believers are called to bear one another’s burdens, and the church is called to protect and value the most vulnerable among us. When we walk alongside families in these and other ways, we can ease fears and point caregivers to hope as the body of Christ is called to do.
Written By—Jolene Philo
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