When I Awake

“And I — in righteousness I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.”

Psalm 17:15

I have to confess. I have often wished that I could just die. To close my eyes and wake to the sight of my Lord and the sound of angels has consumed my thinking on numerous occasions. Especially when I get fatigued or forced to bed with pressure-sores.

David, the psalmist, was no stranger to the desire to die. But his words, unlike those who promote euthanasia, are guarded. They are carefully crafted to delete all thoughts of death for the sake of escape: “And I — in righteousness I will see your face.” There is no way I’m going to end my life sinfully just so I can behold God. Such a thing is contradictory. I must be righteous in my death as I am in my life.

“I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.” I have to realize that no matter how much peace or contentment I feel on this earth, I will not be satisfied until it is my time to die. Our earthly life in Christ is meant to be one of discontentment. Such was Paul’s confession when he debated the pros and cons of life. His conclusion, and that of David’s, was to choose life at all costs in order that Christ and the face of God would be gained:

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21).

Lord, I want to be with you. Now. I confess it. And I confess my reasons are not always righteous. Too often they are because life here is hard. Make my desire for heaven conform to the face of your will. Whether in person or in faith, let your face be my stay, my life’s choice.