Respite

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. Be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.”

Peter 4:10-11

For anyone who has taken Ken’s place as my caregiver for, say, a couple of weeks while my husband goes fishing, they get a crash course on the demands of helping someone with a disability–Right away, my helper gets immersed in countless routines: catheters, leg bags, disinfecting urological equipment, and picking up meds from the pharmacy. They help me with chest percussion therapy, spirometer readings, and they have to blow my nose at least ten times a day. There are bed baths and nebulizers, and that’s just scratching the surface.

And after Ken comes home from fishing? When I say thanks to these friends who help me? They marvel and say, “People have no idea what you and Ken to go through. They are clueless.” These friends are right. People assume I just wake up and, here I am, all dressed with makeup on! And that’s my point. People assume that the disabled in their families have everything covered. It’s manageable, doable, reasonable, right?

Wrong. One individual, such as my husband, simply cannot do “it all,” day after day after day, week in and week out. And it’s not just me and Ken. It’s every family that deals with disability. And when I observe these families? Ken and I have it easy. Many parents who come to our Joni and Friends Family Retreats? They are raising children who have significant developmental delays; these boys and girls must be tube fed and toileted. Other children have autism, some with sleep disorders. And then there are families with elderly parents who have special needs. Even when the disabling condition in the family is not that demanding; still, a break is needed.

That mom or dad – often that single parent – needs respite. The dictionary describes respite as “an interval of relief.” But it takes others who care enough to come in and provide that relief. It could be a neighbor who offers to learn a child’s routine, or a Bible study friend, or a relative who can sit with an elderly family member and play checkers–anything constructive while others take a much needed break. For example, recently I lost the use of my right arm with which I feed myself. So, two evenings a week, my neighbor Kristen comes up and fixes and feeds me my meal while Ken enjoys his dinner.

It doesn’t cost much time or effort, but who can place a value on that act of Christian kindness?! And when we say grace over our meal, we always bless the hands of Kristen who serves us. And, oh, do these respite providers deserve a blessing! Because the need is great! Approximately 43 1/2 million caregivers have provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the last 12 months. And millions more respite workers are needed. Respite providers are needed for tasks that range from the demanding (as in my case) or tasks that are very doable such as running errands or shopping. For instance, a special-needs family invests an average of 13 hours per month researching information on disease or coordinating doctor visits, and these are all simple tasks that any caring person could help with.

It’s why I’m so excited that Joni and Friends offers a wonderful program to provide relief for families. Respite at Home is a University-Affiliated internship opportunity here at Joni and Friends which provides rest, hope, friendship, and encouragement to children and their families living with disability. Participating students in select universities gain practical experience and insight into the unique joys and challenges experienced by all the family members as they serve on a regular basis over the course of a semester.

So, if you know someone who is studying nursing or social services, tell them to visit joniandfriends.org for more details. Finally, look for ways that you can help families that need a break. Begin by simply asking if there is some practical way you can assist. Assure the family that you don’t mind being instructed in the basics. First Peter 4:10-11 says, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. Be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” Yes, you are serving the Lord Jesus when you provide help to a family that struggles with disability. So, please, remember the millions of families that need help… perhaps you can help. For as you do, you will be serving the Lord Jesus.

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[National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP. (2015). Caregiving in the U.S.] [Gallup-Healthways. (2011). Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index.]