The Joys and Disappointments of Friendship
Hi, I’m Joni Eareckson Tada and sometimes, friends will fail you.
It’s gonna happen; you count on it. Yes, I have had friends that have failed me, and it is always hard because you love them. And because they are friends, you depend on them, you count on them. Not long ago, Nancy, that’s not her real name, but… Nancy promised that she’d be able to help me one Monday night to lay me down. You know, wash my face, brush my teeth, help me into bed. However, just 20 minutes before she was scheduled to arrive, she texted to tell me that her family unexpectedly dropped by and she wouldn’t be able to make it. She felt awful and apologized, and asked if I could find someone else to help out that night. Well, I was between a rock and a hard place. I couldn’t exactly say, “No, you’re just going to have to make it here, because I don’t have anyone else lined up to help.” I mean, I can’t say that. So, I told her not to worry, that I’d find a way. And I did. I called a neighbor, and explained I was in a bit of a pinch. It meant that she had to leave her dinner guests to come help me, and that wasn’t exactly fun for her. All this to say, I was disappointed in my helper.
But this sort of thing is gonna happen often when you have a disability and you depend on others. It just comes with the territory; it also comes as a test of faith. You have to step up and trust God that He allowed this disappointment either to teach your friend something, or to teach you something, or your neighbor something. And because it’s God who’s doing it, you know it’s always going to be good; you’re going to get through it okay. But still, there is that little bit of disappointment, isn’t there?
And I just bet you’ve experienced the same with your friends. You pick a friendship; you pick any friendship; put it to the test with a couple of questions, okay? Have you ever tried to work through a misunderstanding with your friend? Have you ever been hurt by what that other person said? Have you ever doubted that person’s commitment? Have you ever struggled to resolve a conflict with him or her? I bet you can answer “yes” to those questions, and I also bet any friend of yours could answer “yes” to the same asked about you. Paul David Tripp, a really great biblical counselor, says that even the most harmonious friendship will be messy, and it’s gonna require a lot of work. And it’s why the Bible pinpoints so many commands to be patient, to be kind and forgiving, to be compassionate and gentle and humble. ‘Cause if we leave our friendships to themselves, if we let them meander along without investing patience or forgiveness, nothing good is going to come of those friendships; they won’t grow. But God gives us friends so that they might (and we might) learn how to be humble and forgiving, kind and forbearing.
By the way, that friend who was a no-show the night that I needed her? Things did get patched up. She was able to ask for forgiveness, and I was able to happily keep a grudge at bay. Of course, I’m going to forgive her. Because stuff happens. Plans do get derailed. Disappointments and expectations are a fact of life. And the test of Christian friendship is the ability to rise above it all, trusting that the Holy Spirit is gonna convict you when you are wrong, and enable you to show compassion to those who have wronged you. It’s what makes a Christ-centered friendship strong and enduring. And it’s what helps that friendship grow. So, remember, today even the best of friendships is gonna be messy. All you gotta do is commit to work through every disappointment. You know why? Because God wants you to. And because that dear friend of yours really is that precious. God bless you today and thanks for listening to Joni and Friends!
© Joni and Friends
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